Look if your kid can't read the menu – LEAVE THEM HOME.
That's what Babysitters and grandparents are for!
I'm tired of dodging forks during my dinner. Besides your actions are increasing the divorce rate. Would it be too much to ask that you do NOT set your children on fire until you get home?
Is life over at 50? If you didn't have sex when you were dating the first 10 years of marriage are bearable, so you have something to do. If you're already discovered each other, then this crying child makes you cranky.
You chose to have the kid – accept the responsibility and STAY HOME. There is a place for unruly children. It's called the laundromat.