Bohemian Rhapsody For the Win

My first time I ran into someone speaking in Tounges I was working as a Janitor for the church I was attending. It freaked me out.

I thought the guy was having a seizure.

I started attending a different church, and they made it sound like I didn't have the holy spirit and I needed to have someone “lay hands” on me.

I was told growing up you do not have someone speak in tounges unless there was someone to interpret, so I wasn't sure to believe.

On the other hand, if I didn't have the holy spirit, I wanted it. So I decided to have someone lay their hands on me…

The Rock Bottom Pillow

People are paying $80/hr to cuddle. What? You heard me. I did a google search and there are multiple companies. So I thought, “Well is that what the kids are calling sex today?”

One person on the “How to Cuddle” page stated, “If you feel sexual desires coming on, communicate them as soon as possible and probably stop cuddling.”

Cuddle Buddy HR

What does the training manual for a cuddle buddy look like?

I love that one site states,  ” No intentional genital stimulation of any kind.” (but unintentional is allowed…”)

The New Go-To Career For Every Guidance Counselor

I'm picturing the High School Guidance Counselor looking at a student with straight Ds.

Counselor: “Well Billy, I've looked at your grade.”

Billy: “My family says I should apply to clown college.”

Counselor: “I've got something different and it pays $40/hr.

 

How to Make Everything Cool

Everything is Cool

So I'm watching Jerry's Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix.  It's amusing. He gets these obscure cars and picks up celebrities and talks with them over coffee. He gets paid a lot of money for this.  They aren't earth shattering interviews, but the show is cool. I was watching trying to figure out what it was that made this show cool. Then it came to me.

There was jazz music in the background. Now watching a toothless waitress in some strange dinner is cool. Look! it's coffee in slow motion put to jazz! I've never seen coffee poured like this. It's like seeing coffee for the first time. Holy Cow.

Now when Jerry pulls up in a 1972 VW Van with rust to pick up Kramer, it's cool.

Then I thought about the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Here is this boy face male pattern baldness at a very early age, being bullied by his friends, and disrespected by his dog. There isn't much of a story, then get him involved with a bizarre play that also has no story. Then Linus just takes control and start blurting out random scripture like a long lost Osteen and the Christmas Special comes to an end. Why do we watch every year? Becuase it's got one of the coolest soundtracks ever. Filled with some really cool jazz. I don't even like jazz.

It makes anything cool. I recently started using Advocare products (which have boosted my weight loss efforts) and while they have great products let's not kid ourselves they are a multilevel marketing business. It's Amway for fat people. So I signed up so I can discount on the products and I'm reading some really boring stuff.

Now lately I'm stuck. I keep throwing out my back, and that makes it hard to exercise. I'm losing weight (down 3 lbs in the last 30 days) but I keep throwing out my back from sneezing. Then when my back is out, it's hard to exercise. The lack of exercises makes me less healthy, which leaves me open to getting sick, which leads to me sneezing more. You see where this is headed. You know what makes exercising in your living room better? You guessed it.

Mentioned In This Episode

Lose Weight With Advocare