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Here are some tips for future grooms as you prepare for your wedding:

If she says she wants a small wedding. marry her immediately do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars.

Saying things really romantic like, “I’m just excited to say I do and spend the rest of my life waking up next to you” have no effect. The marketing machines have hammered a large wedding into her head. You can’t win. No, I’m sorry. You CAN’T WIN.

Realize that while she wants you to be involved in the wedding, she doesn’t actually want your opinion.  Never the less, you need to be there to be “involved.”

Speaking of opinion, you probably don’t have one, especially when it comes to table center pieces, flowers, invitations. DO NOT say “I don’t care.” Instead ask which one she likes and agree with  her.

Also, never say things like “It’s YOUR wedding, it is ALWAYS OUR wedding. Not THE wedding, its OUR WEDDING.

Under no circumstances ever should you ever refer  to your wedding as a “Dog and Pony Show.” This will not go over well.

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Today I talk about some horrible movie I had to watch for my education. It is some skit done by professors at the University of Akron. The fun part is one of the professors has a horrible speach issue. Now I don’t want to be insensitive, but this guy would be good to work the camera, the lights, hand out bulletins, but NOT have a speaking part where his answers are (literally) three minutes a piece.

Then throw on top of it one of my customers is releasing a hypnosis CD and I get to tweak the audio.

Tags: mushmouth

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Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same.

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I also took my fiance’s 15 year old daughter driving for the first time in an abandonded Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her liscense.

2009 is going to be the year.

I’m going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has potential to be the best year of my life. I’m also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com

Shopping? Go to www.supportthisshow.com

Tags: Christmas, drgus, first time driver, Sex

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I was very surprised when I went to the mall and saw there was no line to sit with Santa. Santa looked pretty good (probably an out of work financial consultant), and I thought “Let’s get our picture taken.” It would be interesting to see how things have changed since you sat on his lap and had a polaroid taken. We asked, not the elf, but some college kid (or Santa has put into place “business casual” as the new dress code). We were told, “Here are the packages.” Packages? I just need a picture.

What a lovely greedy con job that if they wanted to they could make $166 an hour, BUT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH. Before we can make $166 an hour ($9.73 profit on a 5 minute CD) you need to spend $20 on a “Package.” That means Santa Will be making $357 an hour. Well here is what I say to you.

SCREW YOU SANTA!

SCREW YOU AND THE REINDEER YOU FLEW IN ON!

Tags: Christmas, Dokken, Greed, Holiday Season, Santa