Damsel in Distress

Damsel in Distress

I had an epiphany and I'm not sure if I dreamed this, I don't know where it came from. I looked at the previous Mrs. Jacksons (since I have a matching set now) and I noticed that both of them were someone in a situation where I'm going to call it “Damsel in distress.” When I met them, I saw them as a damsel in distress that I could come in on my white horse and save.

I was sitting in my bed and I wanted to think about how many women I had ever said the phrase, “I love you” to. I think this is spurred by this idea. Recently I've gone to two conferences in the past month and I'm starting to notice, where I thought my heart was just dead – for lack of a better phrase) I have met a few females that I would like to get to know you better. The bad news is they all live hundreds if not thousands of miles away and in some cases, are young enough to be my daughter, which makes me feel creepy.

Let's start off with the very first person I said “I love you” to. I was 16 years old, does that really count? Well, yeah, it did at the time. And I thought of the very first time I found myself attracted to this person. My very first memory is she was a flag girl. What else do you have to say? She was a flag girl in the marching band and I gave her a ride home after a football game because she was wasted. I remember her passing out. We'll kind of in her head hitting the passenger side window. And I thought, oh my God, she's going to break the window. But what is that? You guessed it.

Damsel in distress.

The second girl was a very, very brief dating period, but very intense. And you'll notice a pattern here. She was dating somebody who lived far away. It was a long-distance relationship. Which is hilarious when you're all of 16, 17 and I was the friend that she talked to deal with the fact that her boyfriend was far, far away. Yeah, you guessed it. Damsel in distress.

The third one I was a late teen now and we worked together. Again, I am the friend that she talks about her boyfriend who lives far, far away.

Damsel in distress

Number four turned into ex-wife number one who I would like to interview.
I think it would be interesting 20 years out now too, to talk about our area of life. Let's just kick back and, and what do you think of if you were to describe Dave Jackson? That's the key. I think these people at one point did know me at one point. Anyway, when I first met her, she had a horrible living situation. Her mom was dating gigantic losers. And she lived in the hood:

Damsel in distress.

Damsel number five was the nurse (if you’re a regular listener to the show you’ve met her as she became wife #2). When I met the nurse, she explained to me how she had been dating a guy who had cheated on her seven times.

Damsel in distress.

But when I look back at these women that I said, “I love you” to, I was like, oh my God, they were all damsels in distress. And that's amazing to me, and that’s why I’m podcasting in five in the morning as I can’t sleep.

The Gullible

So if you looked up the word Gullible it says, “easily persuaded to believe something; credulous.” So I looked up credulous and it said, “having or showing too great a readiness to believe things.”

I had an interesting conversation today and we were talking about these places that appear to prey on the Gullible. You know the drill.

You get dragged to a meeting where you hear a pitch.

Everyone can benefit from the product. It's super easy to join. It's even free.

You are encouraged to bring your friends.

If you want to become a member there are fees based on your level of dedication.

There are weekly meetings to attend and in some cases twice a week.

There are brainstorming session on how you can get the word out there and raise more money for the company.

If you are active enough and demonstrate dedication, you may get an advisory board.

Some people show up and swear the product works, while others don't attend weekly meetings and don't seem to be getting any results

Some people think the whole thing is a scam. The people pushing the product are just a bunch of snake oil salesmen trying to brainwash people

What company do you think I'm talking about? Amway? Advocare?

How to Make Everything Cool

Everything is Cool

So I'm watching Jerry's Seinfeld's Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix.  It's amusing. He gets these obscure cars and picks up celebrities and talks with them over coffee. He gets paid a lot of money for this.  They aren't earth shattering interviews, but the show is cool. I was watching trying to figure out what it was that made this show cool. Then it came to me.

There was jazz music in the background. Now watching a toothless waitress in some strange dinner is cool. Look! it's coffee in slow motion put to jazz! I've never seen coffee poured like this. It's like seeing coffee for the first time. Holy Cow.

Now when Jerry pulls up in a 1972 VW Van with rust to pick up Kramer, it's cool.

Then I thought about the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. Here is this boy face male pattern baldness at a very early age, being bullied by his friends, and disrespected by his dog. There isn't much of a story, then get him involved with a bizarre play that also has no story. Then Linus just takes control and start blurting out random scripture like a long lost Osteen and the Christmas Special comes to an end. Why do we watch every year? Becuase it's got one of the coolest soundtracks ever. Filled with some really cool jazz. I don't even like jazz.

It makes anything cool. I recently started using Advocare products (which have boosted my weight loss efforts) and while they have great products let's not kid ourselves they are a multilevel marketing business. It's Amway for fat people. So I signed up so I can discount on the products and I'm reading some really boring stuff.

Now lately I'm stuck. I keep throwing out my back, and that makes it hard to exercise. I'm losing weight (down 3 lbs in the last 30 days) but I keep throwing out my back from sneezing. Then when my back is out, it's hard to exercise. The lack of exercises makes me less healthy, which leaves me open to getting sick, which leads to me sneezing more. You see where this is headed. You know what makes exercising in your living room better? You guessed it.

Mentioned In This Episode

Lose Weight With Advocare