Archive for the tag 'Christmas'

Jan 20 2010

Just What I Always Wanted

Published by Dave under Laugh

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I’m “Half way to dead.” However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead.

Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed.

Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

One response so far

Dec 31 2008

Sex, Drugs, and Christmas

Published by Dave under Laugh, Moan, Podcast

Sex Drugs and Christmas

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same.

BONUS TOPIC:

I also took my fiance’s 15 year old daughter driving for the first time in an abandonded Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her liscense.

2009 is going to be the year.

I’m going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has potential to be the best year of my life. I’m also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com

Shopping? Go to www.supportthisshow.com

No responses yet

Dec 08 2008

Greedy Santa

Published by Dave under Laugh, Podcast, Think

Greedy SantaI was very surprised when I went to the mall and saw there was no line to sit with Santa. Santa looked pretty good (probably an out of work financial consultant), and I thought “Let’s get our picture taken.” It would be interesting to see how things have changed since you sat on his lap and had a polaroid taken. We asked, not the elf, but some college kid (or Santa has put into place “business casual” as the new dress code). We were told, “Here are the packages.” Packages? I just need a picture.

What a lovely greedy con job that if they wanted to they could make $166 an hour, BUT THAT’S NOT ENOUGH. Before we can make $166 an hour ($9.73 profit on a 5 minute CD) you need to spend $20 on a “Package.” That means Santa Will be making $357 an hour. Well here is what I say to you.

SCREW YOU SANTA!

SCREW YOU AND THE REINDEER YOU FLEW IN ON!

No responses yet

Dec 28 2007

Top 10 Holiday Tips for 2008 from JESUS

Published by Dave under Podcast, Think

Happy JesusThis year it was interesting as the conductor at the High School said “Happy Holidays” and someone from the audience shouted out MERRY CHRISTMAS. The audience laughed.

Today we have a very special guest who chimes in with some tips for NEXT year around the holidays (or really ANY day).

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My
birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope
to soldiers away from home.  They are terribly afraid and
lonely this time of year.  I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don’t have to know
them personally.  They just need to know that someone cares
about them.

3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on
the cards his staff sent out this year, why don’t you write
and tell him that you’ll be praying for him and his family
this year.  Then follow up.  It will be nice hearing from you
again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can’t
afford and they don’t need, spend time with them.  Tell them
the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down
here.  Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love
them.

5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him
or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take
their own life this season because they feel so alone and
hopeless?  Since you don’t know who that person is, try giving
everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town
calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there.
Give them a warm smile and a kind word.  Even if they aren’t
allowed to wish you a “Merry Christmas” that doesn’t keep you
from wishing them one.  Then stop shopping there on Sunday.
If the store didn’t make so much money on that day they’d
close and let their employees spend the day at home with their
families.

8.. If you really want to make a difference, support a
missionary – especially one who takes My love and Good News to
those who have never heard My name.

9. Here’s a good one.  There are individuals and whole
families in your town who not only will have no “Christmas”
tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or
receive.  If you don’t know them, buy some food and a few
gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other
charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery
for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief
in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian.  Don’t do
things in secret that you wouldn’t do in My presence.  Let
people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don’t forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love
Me and do what I have told you to do. I’ll take care of all
the rest.

Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I’ll
help you, but the ball is now in  your court. And do have a
most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and
remember:
I LOVE YOU, JESUS

(author unknown).

Music from www.mikeandmike.com used with permission

No responses yet

Next »