Band-Aid Blues

I'm doing the morning routine, and I go to put on my deodorant. I noticed that under my, left armpit, it kinda hurts. And I'm like, it's odd.

And I have this like, I don't know, inch a half kind of, a line basically, but it's a thick line. And I'm like, okay. Whatever. you know, it'll work itself out, right? Okay. Next day, a little bigger. Next day, it's a little bigger. That might come. So now I'm playing with it.

It's thick. It's thick. It's it's the width of a nickel, and it feels like somehow someone has put a nickel in my armpit, and it's sticking out. It's sticking out of my armpit. And it's weird. So I'm I'm constantly seeing if it's getting any bigger by, grabbing it with my thumb and pointer finger and kind of squishing it going up, it's in and, of course, that probably doesn't help things much. And what's weird is when you're in your late fifties, anytime anything goes wrong, there's a voice in your head that goes, is this it? This where I start to fall apart? I have a thing right now, on the top of my ankle. Maybe, you know, you have your ankle bone that sticks out the side of your foot.

If you go around to the top, it's down a little bit. But I have a, like, a weird bump. like, almost like I got bruised or something, but it's not bruised. But when I walk, it's like, that's not right. But this was my armpit. And because it's your armpit, and that's where all your limp well, some of your lymph nodes are, you're like, oh, man, is this the big c? Is this how the big c is gonna show up? And, like, wow. But it it got to the point where just walking around and stuff, you know, you move. And apparently, skin-on-skin was not a great combination.

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I was like, you know what? I need to come. I I'd really try to look at it. And it started. I could see where there was, like, you you've got this inch and a half wide by a quarter of an inch thick thing. And then there's just, like, weird dot on it. And I was like, I bet this is an ingrown hair. It's not cancer. Get your head out of the, you know, out of WebMD.

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And so I shaved my armpit. So kudos to you ladies. That's an interesting experience. I go to Walmart and I buy these really large band-aids because I I thought, you know what? I'll it's like a patch, not like a little band-aid thing. So it's this patch thing. I'm like, oh, that'll be good. It'll cover up everything. It's flexible, so hopefully, it won't fall off.

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yadayadayada. So I've got the area around this weird little stripe with a dot in it on my armpit And, you know, I've shaved it and I put the Band-Aid on it, put it in, you know, really squish it down, make sure it's not gonna fall off. bend my arm down. Okay. This is gonna be kinda weird, but eventually it's fine. And, it doesn't fall off. On the box, it's like, you know, meant to last for 24 hours. And I'm like, so I kinda leave it alone.

I'm like, hey. You know, it's I I kinda can tell that it doesn't hurt as much. and everything is cool. So on like day 2, it might have been 3, doesn't matter. And I'm like, let's let's see what's going on. And that's when it dawned on me that while I had shaved the area that was having an issue, I had not shaved my entire armpit. And much of the hair on my armpit was now stuck to a Band Aid. And if you wanna torture somebody, just simply, you know, hold them down, hold their arm up, and pull out an armpit hair one by one.

It is not, anybody that does any kind of waxing ladies? kudos. I don't know how you do it. And so I'm trying to figure out, is it bigger? Is it smaller? What's going on? And so I put my hand under my shirt, go up. And I'm trying to get under the Band Aid, and I did a really good job, but I I finally wiggle my finger in there, and I go to touch it. And it seems definitely smaller. and I pull out my hand, and I have armpit goo on my finger. Yeah. I know.

I'm sorry. I should have probably done a disclaimer, but I I don't know what it is, but it's gooey, and it's on my finger. And I'm like, Yeah. Okay. Well, now I really gotta get this band aid off. And so I basically keep telling myself, just pull off your shirt and just, you know, because this hurts because nothing like pulling out one hair at a time. but I eventually get it off. Now I've got, glue all over my armpit, which is very weird.

And I look at it and whatever it was, my guess is, again, it was an Ingrown hair, is definitely discharged That's a fun word. And, I take a hot wash rag and basically wipe it down, and I'm I'm scraping the glue out of my armpit and, I'm really in the process of this. I'm really trying to squeeze out whatever was in it and this and that. So now I have a hole of a hole that I've really exacerbated, and, it hurts now. It was just the weirdest thing. It's fine now. In fact, I looked at it this morning. It's almost gone, but it's just weird how now any time I get a pain of something, like I say, there's something going on with my left ankle, and I can actually feel like, I I banged it on something and but it's not purple.

It's not anything, but I walk up anywhere from a mile to two miles every evening. And I just don't wanna be that that old guy that walks weird. And right now, I'm not walking weird. It's because on a pain level, it's like a 2. you know, it's just like, wonder what's going on with that. And that then bleeds me into another train of thought. my father was one of those guys that I think I've mentioned before. He ended up going blind pretty much in one eye because he was working on a car and a bunch of dirty rust fell in his eye, and he Didn't go wash it out.

He didn't go to the emergency room. Didn't go anywhere. and he was kind of one of those, you know, I might get a lot of doctor practice on me. Or if he wasn't that because I'm not sure how much. That was definitely had an uncle Jim that did that. He actually said that once. And I was like, wow. That's that's insanely interesting.

I think my dad just didn't wanna pay for it. He was very frugal. And, I understand that, but I'm, there's a a foot guy at the end of my street. I'm like, I might have to go see the foot guy and go, what is that? why why this is why do I have this weird bump on the top of my ankle that doesn't seem to be getting lower? But again, this is where your brain goes. Oh, is this is is it time to start? Are we and I'm hoping not because the cool thing is I told you how I had a blood glucose monitor. I got to wear it for a month. Couldn't talk them into letting me just have one. and I get it because these things are anywhere from $200 to $300 a month.

it's new technology, which I'm happy because I did find one that was, I think, 150. Then that's where I'm like, because that sounds like a lot of money because, well, it is, especially on it every month. But I remember when I was going to something some food place. I'd have to go back and listen to an old episode, but I was paying them lots of money for supplements and food and things like that. And I did. I lost weight, but I was like, I I would pay money to lose weight. And what's really cool is I haven't had it now for, I don't know, a week, and I am now officially down £10 from my heaviest. And I'm just I've trained myself to Like, I don't eat toast with my eggs.

I I have basically one piece of bread, and it's a hamburger bun. because I'm I'm focusing a little more on fat. That sounds weird. I'd I'd really cut out a lot of fat and you need fat. So I'm adding a little more fat And, again, the exercise things, but it is it's odd. And what's really gonna be weird is I know eventually because in this case, it was nothing. And I'm just doing my best. because I I consider this act 3, and I guess act 4 starts about 70.

And I want act 4 to be fun as fun as it can be. But I realize eventually I'm gonna find something or pee something or whatever or cough something, whatever. And they're gonna go, oh, yeah. You've this is no longer working right. or you've picked up this or that or and that's gonna be weird when my brain goes, oh, is this how I'm gonna start falling apart? And they go, yeah. yeah, it is. You're seventy 4 and you've got this now, and you can't do that. And that's a whole other episode of, yeah, I don't do that anymore.

So the good news is it was just a, I guess, an Ingrown hair. armpit goo is not toxic. and, it's gonna get better. Thanks for listening.