The Ripple Effect

by Dave on December 23, 2011

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ИконописThe last thing I want to do is go into 2012 talk about 2010, so I want to kind of jump to then end of the story. This story has been somewhat depressing, and I could spend HOURS going into details, but I’d rather get back to the sarcasm and yuk yuks.

On November 28th, 2010 my wife and I had a stupid contest and I won. There are those who think I have not “Paid enough,” for my stupidity. One of them being my step daughter who at times would prefer to not be in a room with me (or its a coincidence that family plans that involve me often don’t involve her). In fact when she got accepted into college I asked my wife to hand me the phone so I could tell her how proud I was and she hung up before I could say a word. That was a new kind of pain. Its those kind of “Never saw that coming” moments that make this incident into my top 10 most painful experiences. As I adore all of my step-kids this is something that bothers me DEEPLY every day. In addition it makes my wife’s life harder as well. At one point my wife was put into a position of choosing between her child and her husband. It was hard for me as one minute I was falling on my sword so she wouldn’t have to choose, and then next I was hurt as I was cut off from my wife. I understand her feelings. She does not feel comfortable having a person who she does not trust live with her mother. She listened to us argue for years, so I understand what feeds her fears. For that I apologize.  I had some fantasy that my step kids missed me as much as I missed them. Wow. I ‘m not sure what I was smoking. After pleading guilty to a lesser charge of disorderly conduct (a misdemeanor one step above a traffic ticket), I thought I would be coming home. Instead I stayed with my sister until my step daughter went away to college.

While my step-daughter will tolerate my existence enough to eat a meal with me, my brother refuses to be in the same room with my wife. I am not exaggerating. I’m trying to follow the bible, and follow its advice on marriage (admittedly, I need LOTS of help), but it does say the two shall be one. When it came time to go to my niece’s high school graduation I had to decline (which KILLED me), as my brother could not tolerate her long enough for us to make an appearance. This topic is a whole other podcast, but for now one might say I have lost my relationship with my brother who I love dearly.

When my wife told the church that where I was a minister in training what had happened, to make a long story short, they asked me to resign. I got upset, but in the end I did. At first I didn’t understand why I didn’t get a “Jimmy Swaggert” moment to apologize, but I now understand that one of the priorities of a shepherd is to guard the flock. If my little church would’ve had to vote, and we had 7 people leave over the results, that would’ve been 10% of the congregation. I understand their decision, and in talking with other pastors who now pastor the church they grew up in, ALL of them had to leave and come back. Jesus wasn’t respected in his home town either.

Jesus forgave a woman who was caught fornicating. He told a crowd “He who is without sin cast the first stone.” He said that you will be judged the same way you judge others. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I got 1 year probation, and ordered to get evaluated and take anger management classes (which I’ll discuss in a future episode).  The fun thing is in July I lost my job when I couldn’t physically look at 17 screens in 10 seconds and remember what I saw with a 96% accuracy. I was fired. I was denied unemployment. When I looked for a job, I found some. I have now had five jobs that were very excited to have me come in for an interview until they asked, “Oh by the way have you ever been convicted of a felony (no) or misdemeanor (yes)?” When I answer honestly, I was told point-blank that this disqualified me for the job. This is a cruel joke. I had 5 head hunters on a Saturday morning call me with the same job offer, only to rescind it. Again, stay out of the legal system kiddies.

When my wife packed up her daughter and drove her to college, I volunteered to come and watch the dogs. As things went “OK” when she got back, I decided to stay. However, things are no “OK” at this point and we still struggle to keep our marriage together. We moved in December into an apartment. It will be my wife, myself, and the boy. However, it turned out that my wife had told my step son that I was not going to move into the new place. She told me two days before we moved, and in the end I got to move into the new place. However, my step son voiced his EXTREME displeasure about me sticking around. OUCH

In December of 2011, I was moved to “inactive” for good behaviour and can now start the process of getting this thing off my record.ikoni

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Defeaning Silence.

by Dave on December 18, 2011

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After spending what seemed like eternity in my one night of jail, I waited and waited for them to come open the cell door. I had to give back my uniform (I was bummed as I wanted a souvenir), and prepared to go before the judge. I sat in the same room where I had been “booked” only now there was a television set. I told the cop standing there that I was looking forward to talking to the judge to explain that this was all just a misunderstanding. To this he pointed out that he would not recommend doing that. He suggested I say nothing unless I was addressed/asked by the judge. What? Really? I had no idea what I was getting into, and based on the previous night’s experience this lead me to being scared. Was I really leaving today?

Finally the judge appeared on my television. I had a camera pointed at me so they could see me in all my striped glory. I heard that my wife was in the courtroom. Oh how I ached to see my wife. I hoped that the camera angles were like those you see in a gas station where the security cam switches to different views every 15 seconds. Maybe I could catch a glimpse of my wife. To let me see she was OK. I could just get eye contact…….

But it was a single camera shot. All I get was the judge who wasn’t even looking into the camera. There was another person in the courtroom. My wife had been appointed an advocate. She was now the victim. She had victim’s rights, etc. She needed protected. I didn’t realize it then, but I understand it now. When I closed that cell door, my life changed. Previously I was innocent until proven guilty. Now I was guilty until proven innocent. This goes for the court system, and for certain members of my family. I felt like running to a mirror to see if I had somehow put on a stained white t-shirt with a hole in the shoulder. You know the type of “uniform” that most domestic violence men wear.  It was like someone had placed a “kick me” sign on m back, only it read “wife beater.” I again wanted to scream “STOP!, HOLD ON, Can I PLEASE get someone’s attention?” Instead I sat with my mouth shut listening to the judge. I learned how I would have to pay for a lawyer to defend me and I had another hearing in about two weeks. In the meantime, there would be a protection order against me and I couldn’t be within X-amount of feet of my wife. I could not communicate with her in anyway. If I violated this in any fashion I would be thrown back in jail. Even if she contacted me first, if I answered the phone I could go to jail. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS MISTER JACKSON? “Yes your honor,” I answered. I was scared. I was not going back to jail.

I had to wait for a cop to escort me back to my house where I was not allowed to talk directly to my wife. I had to ask the cop to ask my wife a question. After about four messages back and forth the cop had enough and said, “Look if you guys can be civil, I’ll let you communicate.” We talked about the bills that would need paid. How to run the house going forward. The nurse had done me a favor and packed some clothes for me in. This was not in a “get out now” fashion,” but more as a favor to save me the hassle. She said she didn’t want a divorce. I don’t remember much of the conversation. I just remember having to hurry as we couldn’t keep the cop all day. I had to pack enough in my Toyota Corolla to last me a while. Before I left she asked if she could hug me, and the cop said that was fine. So three feet from where our act of stupidity happened, I hugged my wife fo what would be the last time for a while.

We all take things for granted every day. We are to busy to realize the every day things we do that are a privilege. My wife an I had gome from shouting at each other to talking to each other, to cour ordered silence. The silence was deafening. I couldn’t email, text, chat, call, look, etc at my wife or risk going to jail. She called, but I refused to answer the phone. I wasn’t going back to jail. I didn’t trust the justice system, and for all I knew they had my phone taped and the minute I said a word, the men in blue would bust through the walls and haul me back to jail. I felt like a person must feel in a lifeboat. You are so far off course, but you are breathing. You have the means to make it to shore, but you have no idea what waits for you.

I think I made it two days. I remember going to bed at night and looking at the ceiling. I wanted to somehow telepathically send a message to my wife. I wanted to let her know how much I missed her. I thought long and hard about how to send a message to my wife. To let her know I missed her. To let her know how sorry I was. I couldn’t send any communication to her, or through her children to her. Anything that was intended for her ears could get me thrown back in jail.

Being a musician, I love music. What I decided to do was start telling me friends and family on facebook. I’m not sure how but I stumbled across Ray Charles and posted the video on my facebook page.

I love brother Ray, and these lyrics really hit home (Lyrics by Leone Russle)

I’ve been so many places in my life and time
I’ve sung a lot of songs, I’ve made some bad RHYMES
I’ve acted out my life in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we’re alone now and I’m singin’ this song to you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be, baby
I’ve treated you unkindly but girl can’t you see
There’s no one more important to me
So darling can’t you please see through me
’cause we’re alone now and I’m singin’ my song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth, withholdin’ nothin’
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I’m so much better so if my words don’t come together
Listen to the melody cause my love’s in there hiding

I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I love you for my life, ’cause you’re a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin’ my song for you

I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I’ve loved you for my life, yes, you’re a friend of mine
And when my life is over, remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singin’ my song for you, yes
We were alone and I was singin’ this song for you, baby
We were alone and I was singin’ my song,
Singin’ my song, singin’ my song, singin’ my song
Singin’ my song

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Through His Stripes

November 19, 2011

There is a Bible Passage that I learned about through the Rock Band Stryper. It’s Isaiah 53:5 Which states, “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Well today we talking about the stripes [...]

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The Policeman is Your Friend

October 23, 2011

Today I talk about the worst day of my life (or definitely in the top 5). It started out as a wonderful day. I had a great day at church, I stopped by Play it Again Sports and found a BRAND NEW Total Gym, and not one of the those cheap ones that you find [...]

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