Dave at 59: Reflections on Life, Facing Aging, and Ditching Dairy Queen

So I turned 59 today. I stood at the kitchen sink looking out the window and seeing what I could remember. Not much. 

My 20’s were drinking with my buddies and being a car hop. Meeting and marrying my first wife. My thirties were us living in apartments, and finally getting a house. Trying to have kids, and settling on two wonderful dogs. I worked for a horrible company, and eventually quit. The cheating, the bankrupcy, and then came podcasting. The one thing I learned from that was you can’t change people. Only they can change, and that is only if they want to. 

My forties was working for yet another bad company, and finding and marrying wife #2. Being a step Dad was amazing. I think we were separated more than we were married. We started counseling six months after we were married. The one thing I learned was you can’t change people. Only they can change, and that is only if they want to. They also have to be able to see their issue. So maybe I didn’t learn that lesson the first time.

My fifties were about getting free. Getting safe. Getting happy. Reconnecting with my family. Reconnecting what great nieces andnephews who are getting so big and so amazing. Eventually moving back to where it all started. But there is a new kid in town that I’m trying to fend off.

Two weeks ago I was walking down my steep driveway. It had snowed and I was taking caution as it’s smooth blacktop, and you can’t tell any difference when it’s wet if you are looking at ice or water. Sure enough three steps from the bottom I slipped. This is always fun as you get about three chances to regain your balance before your brain goes, “You’re going down.” You accept your fait and gravity kicks in. But this time was different. I was headed to Florida to speak in afew days and a voice in my head said, “Don’t break a hip.” 

Don’t break a hip? I don’t remember thinking that whenI was playing tackle football with my buddies in the park on Thanksgiving. Don’t break a hip? How Dare you? Where did this come from? 

At this point most of my friends along with myself have had to bury our parents. We might have aunts or uncles, and older cousins and brothers and sisters, but I can now see Life’s little conveyor belt and I’m on it with Death asking, “whose next.” The other day I thought, “If all goes to plan, I will bury my brother and sister.” I love my sister, but if I had a favorite, my brother and I share a connection that I just don’t want to live without. I’m watching the super bowl with him as I pretty much have my entire life. When you’re the baby of the family, you don’t know a life without your siblings.

Then your heroes die. Eddie Van Halen, most of Lynard Skynard, we’re down to two Beatles and death is telegraphing his next move. My best friend and I talk about father time catching people. Nancy Wilson in heart can’t hit the high notes anymore. Robert plant. Paul Stanley of Kiss. And what the hell happened to Joe Walsh’s face?  Oh man chipmunk cheeks. 

The other night I watched the grammys and they propped up an 80 year old Joni Mitchel. She was before my time, and nobody in my house was spinning Joni. We were more of a Hendrix home. But they put her in a chair. She’s had a rough ride with diseases and she’s had to learn to walk three times. Sheesh. I love he voice. It’s so clear it could cut through anything. I love the song the river. It has hints of a Christmas song, but in a minor key. It’s in a last christmas from wham or the even better last Christmas from Prince.

But they prop her up and she sings “Both sides now” and we are all looking at her and giving respect to who she is and not how she sounds which is exactly what it is and 80-year-old woman whose voice is lower than mine. 

Being 80! That is 21 years from now, and let’s face it 59 is going to fly by in a blink of an eye. I might as well say I’m sixty because about the time I get comfortable saying 59 it will be over. 

OK, stop it. You’re starting to sound like Ozzy. Ever notice that when Ozzy was writing his own lyrics they were all about dying. See you on the other side, I don't wanna stop, countdown’s begun, Not going away.. Those are all titles of song. I don’t want to be Ozzy, and then the nerd in me calculates how many days my Mom was alive and if I live as long as my Mom I’ll die on March 3/14/24 cause she died when she was 59, which is really helping me understand the phrase too soon, but that is again Ozzy territory on steroids. 

So I set a new record by weighing in at 235 lbs last week. Today I’m at 232. That record inspired me. My birthday is inspiring me. I signed up for a free month at future.co where you get a coach to tell you all the things you are doing wrong that you’ve known for decades. Wait ice cream is bad? I should do strength training? Eat more vegetables? I guess that's worth a couple hundred bucks. (oh wait it’s not so I’ll be canceling).

But seriously if you are younger than me and need to lose weight, DO IT NOW. It is soooo much easier when you are younger, and so aggravating that I can do the exact same thing I did 30 years ago and it does nothing.

I guess you have to be a brave little soldier and just keep moving forward. You see a friend of yours taken out, you refocus and keep moving. There is more life to live, and can’t get off the treadmill. You can only do your best to make every day count. I don’t want to live in fear, and I don’t want to cry, so I’m going to choose to live.